How This Guide Is Different — Read This First (Q only)

The leader brief, in one line: every man says two names: the man who pushes him, and the man he pushes. For the first one, he says what that man said or did that he still carries. “My dad, a couple of coaches, some guys here” isn’t an answer. “Coach Hensley. Sophomore year he pulled me off the field and said, ‘You’re coasting, and everybody can see it.’ I still hear that every time I want to quit early. And on the other side: Tyler. I’ve been co-Q’ing with him since August, and he’s taking his VQ next month” is.

The definition, in the leader’s words: F3’s mission isn’t fitness. It is the invigoration of male community leadership. Reproducing Leaders means a man’s leadership isn’t finished until he has passed it to the man behind him. Shield Lock is where that happens: a tight formation of a few brothers who know each other well enough to train, push, and hand off. Every veteran knows the pattern: someone trained you, and you’re expected to train the next man. Read it to yourself twice before you lead.

The purpose, from the leader brief: get every man to name both directions of the chain. Someone who is only pushed is a fan. Someone who is only pushing is a lone wolf. Fan and lone wolf come back in Q4, Q11, and Q15. Use those two words throughout the hour.

Before the cold open: last Friday every man named the man nobody picked, the cost, and his first move. Take the reports first. Keep it quick: “Did you make the call? What happened?” An honest “I chickened out” is fine. Then bridge: “Last week Barnabas went to Tarsus and found Saul. Follow that chain. Barnabas pushed Saul. Saul became the apostle Paul, and Paul pushed Timothy. Then Paul told Timothy to push faithful men, who would push others. Today we name where we are in that chain.”

A note on the chapters. Q4.10/Lizard Building has never been the main chapter in this series. It’s the 50th and last chapter of the QSource, and it says why: “the building of Effective Organizations requires the efforts of a Virtuous Leader who has fully integrated all four quadrants.” Its headline is the one to remember: “Effective Organizations are built through relationships, not rules, and rules drive out relationship.” It tells a story you’ll use in Q8. Dave Redding (Dredd), the F3 co-founder who wrote the QSource, worked out at a Charlotte gym where “Bob” at the front desk greeted him by name every morning. One day Dave forgot his pass, and Bob wouldn’t let him in: “can’t let you in without a pass sir. Those are the rules.” Dave’s line: “With my pass I was Dave. Without it, I had morphed into a ‘sir’, just a sir.” An organization that puts rules over relationship “will breed Bobs rather than HIMs.” The chapter contrasts the Lizard (“light, fast and always either in motion or prepared to move quickly”; the chapter borrows the image from Proverbs 30:28: “the lizard you can take in your hands, yet it is in kings’ palaces”) with the Bullfrog (“sleepy, slow and bloated”). A Bullfrog exists mainly to keep itself going (“Existential Continuity”), and it runs on rules and a chain-of-command pyramid. It gives a three-step recipe: “Step one is develop Sua Sponte Leaders. Step two is to form and deploy Dynamic Teams. Step three is commit yourself to staying 43 Feet ahead of what you’ve created.” (Staying “43 Feet ahead” means staying just far enough in front to keep leading, not so far that you lose touch.) And it states this QOW in one sentence: the Virtuous Leader knows “his Dynamic Team will only outlast him if he works himself out of a job,” so “he develops its Members into Sua Sponte Leaders so that he himself is dispensable.” Then it names the model: “He started with a small group of untrained men, formed them into a Team and then freed them to Lead. He so Effectively worked himself out of a job that at the time of his death his Organization only consisted of eleven men–and yet it spread throughout the world… Jesus was the original Lizard Builder.” Read the chapter’s last two paragraphs before you lead. The chapter ends on love: “if he fails to love, then nothing else he does will matter at all. At the end, just as it was at the beginning, Virtuous Leadership is about love.”

Q4.1/Sua Sponte Leader is also new to this series. It puts Tom Peters’ quote in QSource language: a Lizard is “an Organization OF Leaders rather than an Organization WITH Leaders.” It lists the three things a HIM does to build I2 (Individual Initiative) in other men: “1. Make clear the Mission 2. Teach all they know, and 3. Incentivize I2 and manage Failure.” It warns that “to ask a man to Lead without providing an LDP is what F3 calls Bricks Without Straw.” That means expecting a man to lead without training him, like Pharaoh demanding bricks but taking away the straw (Exodus 5:7). It also has a story about a basketball coach and his point guard that shows John Wooden’s quote in action. You’ll use it in Q5 and Q9. And it has the best legacy line in the QSource: the HIM “plants the roots of a Leadership tree with roots and branches that will extend forever, even though the whispering leaves that grow upon it may never speak his name.”

Q1.7/Shield Lock (the main chapter July 31, woven in several times since) is the formation the QOW names. “Groups of 3 to 5 men.” “No man can see his own Six.” “The Shield Lock is a Team, not a Club.” Notice the Shield Lock is horizontal: these are peers, not just older men training younger ones. So the pushing in this QOW runs sideways too. “By locking shields with other men, the HIM hedges his brother’s peak against his own valley, and vice-versa.” In plain terms: when one man is up and another is down, the strong one carries the weak one, and next month it may be the other way around. The same man can push you and be pushed by you.

A callback the men will recognize. Q4.3/Apprenticeship (July 10, Sept. 25, Oct. 9) has Redding’s platoon story. During a training evaluation, the evaluators ruled him a casualty (“killed” him) to see if his platoon could keep fighting without him. The platoon fell apart because “I had hoarded all that knowledge for a very selfish reason: so that I would be indispensable.” Six months later they did it again, and the evaluator said, “He’s made himself dispensable and there is no higher form of leadership.” Don’t retell the whole story. Use it as a callback in Q7.

How this differs from October 9 (“Caught Not Taught”). That QOW asked whose habit you picked up and who’s picking up yours. Habits get caught whether you mean it or not. This week is the deliberate version: leadership doesn’t just get caught. It has to be handed off on purpose. If a man repeats his October 9 answer, ask: “That’s what he caught from you. What did you hand him on purpose?”

What’s been asked before. This QOW sits close to several past weeks, so these questions were written to avoid repeats. The first half of the QOW overlaps May 1 (mentor’s advice), July 10 (who saw something in you), and Sept. 11 (whose words got you moving). The two-way shape overlaps Oct. 9 (whose habit did you pick up, and who’s picking up yours) and Oct. 23 Q11 (who’s your faster man, and who’s chasing you). What’s new this week: the fan / lone wolf test, the handoff, and saying yes to the slot. If the room starts retelling old stories, keep it moving with: “We’ve heard that one. Who’s pushing you now?”

A note on the verses. Three things to know before you read them to the circle.

• 2 Timothy 2:1–3. The men have heard the four-generations point before (Paul, Timothy, faithful men, others). Give them three new things. First, the setting. This is Paul’s last letter, written from a Roman prison: “I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come” (4:6). “At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me” (4:16). He’s about to be “killed” for real, like Redding in the evaluation, and one of the last things he tells Timothy is to pass on what he’s learned. Second, the order. Verse 1 comes before verse 2: “be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” Notice Paul doesn’t say “be strong.” He says “be strengthened.” The strength comes from God, not from Timothy. A man can only hand off what he’s been given. Third, the qualification. Paul doesn’t say “gifted men” or “impressive men.” He says “faithful men.” The word (pistos) means reliable, trustworthy. And “entrust” (paratithēmi) is a banking word: to deposit something for safekeeping. It’s the same idea as “guard the good deposit entrusted to us” (1:14). What you’ve been taught is like money in trust. You’re responsible for who you hand it to. Then verse 3: “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” The handoff costs something. Every veteran in the circle knows what a good soldier does: he trains the man who will replace him.
• 1 Thessalonians 5:11. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” “Build up” (oikodomeō) is a construction word. It means to build a house. In QSource language, it’s Bricklaying: building a man up one brick at a time. “One another” means both directions, which is the QOW. And notice “just as you are doing.” Paul praises them before he pushes them. That’s the kind of coaching Wooden’s quote describes. Read 5:12–14 with it: “admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” That’s four different pushes for four different men. A good coach knows which man needs which.
• Proverbs 13:20. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” In Hebrew, “companion” (ro’eh) and “will suffer harm” (yeroa’) sound almost alike. The wordplay makes the warning stick: the man you walk with is the man you turn into. That’s the first half of the QOW. The second half is the flip side: someone is walking with you, too. To him, you’re either the wise man or the fool.

A note on the quotes.

• Tom Peters (b. 1942) is the management writer who co-wrote In Search of Excellence (1982). The line is widely credited to him, though its exact source is hard to pin down. In QSource terms it’s the difference between an Organization of Leaders and an Organization with Leaders.
• Maya Angelou (1928–2014) was the poet and author of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Oprah Winfrey has often said Angelou taught her this line. The two halves are the QOW: learn and get is being pushed, teach and give is pushing. Jesus said it first: “You received without paying; give without pay” (Matthew 10:8, ESV).
• Robert Ingersoll (1833–1899) was a Union colonel and the most famous orator of his day, known as “The Great Agnostic.” Like Emerson last week, that’s worth a smile: one of the most biblical lines on the page is credited to a famous skeptic, though its exact source is hard to locate. Notice what it doesn’t say: “We rise by climbing over others.” That’s how a Bullfrog works: a pyramid where men climb over each other. A Lizard is flat. Men rise by lifting each other.
• John Wooden (1910–2010) won ten national championships in twelve seasons at UCLA. He was a devout Christian, and he famously opened every season by teaching his players how to put on their socks and lace their shoes, because blisters cost games. That’s the Apprenticeship pattern (watch, help, do) at the smallest scale. The key word in the quote is resentment. Correction is the job. Resentment is the failure.

The traps in this QOW. There are six, and each one lets a man talk without answering.

• Trap one — the fan. A great answer for the first half and nothing for the second. “I’m still learning. I’m not ready to push anybody.” Ask: “Who’s one step behind you? Not ten steps. One.”
• Trap two — the lone wolf. Plenty of men he pushes, and nobody pushing him. This is often the Q, the boss, or the older Respect. “Honestly, nobody really pushes me anymore.” Ask: “Who has permission to tell you you’re coasting?”
• Trap three — the résumé. “My dad, my coaches, my first boss, a bunch of guys here.” A list isn’t an answer. Ask: “Pick one. What did he say?”
• Trap four — the false humility. “I don’t think anybody’s better because of me.” Sometimes that’s honest. Often it’s a dodge. If the room knows otherwise, let a PAX say so. If it’s genuinely true, don’t argue. Point him to Q11.
• Trap five — the fan club. He names men who admire him, follow him, and ask his advice, but none of them could do what he does. Ask: “If you were gone tomorrow, could he do what you do?”
• Trap six — the Bullfrog rant. The Lizard chapter makes it easy to vent about the company, the church, the HOA, or the region. Five minutes of that and nobody has said a name. Ask: “That’s their rulebook. What about your relationships?”

Five rules for the Q running this:

1. Go first, with two real names and one real line. If you say “lots of guys have poured into me,” every man after you will too. Name one man and quote him. Then name the man you push.
2. Get three things from every man: the pusher (a name and the line or act he still carries), the pushed (a name), and the handoff (one thing he’ll hand that man this week).
3. Use the prompt every time. “Say the name. What did they say or do that you still carry?”
4. If a man names a PAX in the circle, let that man respond. Give him fifteen seconds. That’s 1 Thessalonians 5:11 happening live, and it will be the best fifteen seconds of the morning.
5. Write it down and follow up. Next Friday, open by asking: “Did you tell him? What did you hand off?”

The prompt, if you need to reset the room: Say the name. What did they say or do that you still carry? Go around with one name and one line. No backstory yet. Hearing a dozen of those lines in a row, from coaches, sergeants, fathers, and PAX, is powerful.

The close: Train your replacement, not your fan club.

One caution on tone. This QOW cuts in several directions, so watch the circle. Some men never had anyone push them. No father, no coach, nobody. Don’t let the first half turn into shame for them. Q11, Q12, and Q14 are for them. Faithfulness, not pedigree, is the qualification, and it’s not too late to start the chain. Some men’s pusher fell: a mentor who had an affair, a pastor who left the faith, a coach who was exposed. The push was still real. A man can keep the good thing he was taught without defending the man who taught it. Some men were “pushed” in ways that hurt them: a drill sergeant who crossed lines, a father who used his fists. Don’t romanticize it. Wooden’s quote draws the line: correction that breeds resentment isn’t the model. If abuse surfaces, thank him, follow up after the circle, and don’t play counselor in the circle. Some men pushed someone who quit, drifted, or went the wrong way. Don’t let the room tell them they failed. “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:6). The QOW can also go wrong two other ways: a mentoring-program meeting, where the circle designs a system and nobody names a man, or a highlight reel, where every answer is praise and nobody admits he’s a fan or a lone wolf. What we want from each man is two names and a handoff.

Facilitator Notes under each question tell you what to listen for, how to restart a stalled room, and where to push. You won’t use all fifteen questions. Pick 6–8 and give each one time. Q2 and Q3 are the QOW, so don’t skip them. Q6, Q11, and Q15 are the leader’s follow-up questions. Q15 is the close, so don’t skip that either.

Q1: Every veteran knows the pattern: someone trained you, and you’re expected to train the next man. Outside F3 (the military, a trade, a team, a job), where did someone train you and then expect you to train the guy behind you?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the warm-up. It’s easier to talk about a system than about yourself. Start there.
• Listening for: the corporal who taught you and then made you teach the new privates. The journeyman electrician. The senior guy at the firehouse. The shift lead who trained you and then left, and suddenly you were the trainer. The older brother who taught you, and then you taught the younger one.
• If the room stalls, ask a simpler one: “Who taught you your first real job? Did you ever have to teach it to anybody?”
• Tie it to the QOW: point out that the organizations that do this well don’t hope it happens. They build it in. In QSource terms, that’s a Lizard: an organization built to produce leaders.

Answer: The military, the trades, and the fire service have known this for centuries: the job isn’t done until the next man can do it. Q4.3/Apprenticeship says that in the Army, “working yourself out of your job by training your subordinates to do it better than you do is a Leadership Principle.” Q4.10/Lizard Building says no organizations in the world “are more dedicated to the development of Sua Sponte Leaders and Dynamic Teams” than Special Operations units. Scripture shows the pattern working, and then shows what happens when it breaks. Joshua was Moses’ “assistant… a young man,” who “would not depart from the tent” (Exodus 33:11, ESV). Forty years later, “Joshua the son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom, for Moses had laid his hands on him” (Deuteronomy 34:9, ESV). Then read Judges 2. Joshua died, “and there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD or the work that he had done for Israel” (Judges 2:8, 10, ESV). Moses had a Joshua. Joshua had no Joshua. One generation later, the people had forgotten everything. Concrete step: name the person who trained you at your first real job. Then name the last time you trained anybody in anything.

Why This Matters: The chain only works if every man in it does his part. Skip one handoff, and the next generation starts from zero.

Q2 (THE QOW, PART ONE + THE PROMPT): Who keeps pushing you to be better, right now, this year? Say the name. What did he say or do that you still carry?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the main question. Run it as the leader’s prompt: go around the circle with one name and one line. No backstory yet.
• Q goes first. Say the name and quote him. Then stop. Model the brevity.
• We’ve told the old stories before. May 1 (greatest advice from a mentor), July 10 (who saw something in you), and Sept. 11 (whose words got you moving) all asked about men from the past. This QOW says keeps. It’s present tense. Push for a man who is pushing you now. If a man’s only names are from twenty years ago, that tells you something. Make a note and come back to him in Q4.
• Watch for trap three: “a lot of guys.” Say, “Just one. What did he say?”
• If a man names a PAX in the circle, let that man respond for fifteen seconds.

Answer: Solomon put it simply: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20, ESV). You turn into the men you walk with. Every man here carries lines from men who wouldn’t let him coast: a coach’s “you’re better than that,” a sergeant’s “do it again,” a father’s “finish what you started.” Paul describes three kinds of pushing in one sentence: “like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you” (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12, ESV). Exhort, encourage, charge. Most of us can name a man for each one. Hebrews uses a sharp word for it: “let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24, ESV). “Stir up” is paroxysmos, the word we get “paroxysm” from. The only other place it shows up in the New Testament is Acts 15:39, where Paul and Barnabas had a “sharp disagreement.” Real pushing isn’t always comfortable. Q1.7/Shield Lock explains why you need it: “No man can see his own Six.” Concrete step: say the name of a man who is pushing you now, and say the last thing he said or did that pushed you.

Why This Matters: You are, in part, the sum of the men who wouldn’t let you coast. Say his name. Pushing you cost him something.

Q3 (THE QOW, PART TWO): Now flip it. Who is better because you push him? Say the name. What can he do now that he couldn’t do before?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the second half of the QOW, and it’s the harder half. Go around again. Expect longer pauses.
• Give 20 seconds of quiet before you start. Some men will need it to find a name.
• Ask for evidence, not feelings. Aug. 28 asked who imitates you, and Oct. 9 asked who’s catching your habits. This asks what changed: “What can he do now that he couldn’t do before?” A skill, a role, a Q, a decision he now makes on his own. That keeps it honest and keeps it from turning into bragging.
• Listening for: a 2.0, a younger PAX, a guy at work, a brother, a man in the Shield Lock. Also listen for silence. Don’t fill it. Q11 is for the man who can’t answer this one.
• Watch for trap five: a man who names someone who admires him but couldn’t do what he does. Ask: “Could he do it without you?”

Answer: Paul measured his leadership downstream. He told the Corinthians, “You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all” (2 Corinthians 3:2, ESV). To the Thessalonians: “For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? For you are our glory and joy” (1 Thessalonians 2:19–20, ESV). John said, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4, ESV). Q4.1/Sua Sponte Leader says the same thing in QSource language: “Legacy is about what a man does in the life of other men–his IMPACT–not his postmortem reputation.” Your title, your Q count, and your résumé don’t answer this question. A man with a name does. If you struggled to name someone, that doesn’t make you a failure. It shows you where to start. Concrete step: say the name, and name one thing he can do now that he couldn’t do before. If no name comes, write that down too. That’s your assignment for Q11.

Why This Matters: Your leadership is measured by the men who come after you. If nobody is better because you push him, your leadership ends with you.

Q4: The leader brief says, “Someone who is only pushed is a fan. Someone who is only pushing is a lone wolf.” Which one are you closer to right now, and how did you get there?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the diagnosis question. Everyone is closer to one than the other. Ask every man to pick one.
• Listening for: the fan: “I’ve got great mentors, but I’m always the youngest guy in the room.” “I keep waiting until I’m ready.” The lone wolf: “I’m the one everybody calls, but nobody calls me.” “I’m the boss. Nobody tells the boss anything.” “I outgrew the guys who used to push me.”
• Push deeper on the lone wolves: “When’s the last time someone told you something about yourself you didn’t want to hear?”
• Push deeper on the fans: “What are you waiting for?”

Answer: Scripture has both men, and it has a cure for each. The fan: when Elijah was about to be taken up, “fifty men of the sons of the prophets also went and stood at some distance” (2 Kings 2:7, ESV). Fifty men watched the greatest handoff in the Old Testament from a distance. One man received Elijah’s mantle (his cloak, the sign that the role was passing to him): Elisha, who kept saying, “I will not leave you” (2 Kings 2:2, ESV). Fans watch from a distance. The man who takes over is the one who stayed close. The lone wolf: a few chapters earlier, Elijah himself was burned out under a broom tree, saying, “I, even I only, am left” (1 Kings 19:10, ESV). God didn’t give him a vacation. He gave him a successor: “Elisha… you shall anoint to be prophet in your place” (1 Kings 19:16, ESV), and told him there were seven thousand others he didn’t know about (19:18). Moses got the same diagnosis from his father-in-law: “You are not able to do it alone” (Exodus 18:18, ESV). Q1.7/Shield Lock warns that when a man’s relationships with other men fade, “there will be no jangling alarm to warn him.” He “will become accustomed to trying to hunt and defend alone.” Concrete step: pick one, fan or lone wolf, and say it out loud.

Why This Matters: A fan keeps receiving and never passes anything on. A lone wolf keeps giving until he burns out. A HIM does both: he is pushed, and he pushes.

Q5: John Wooden opened every season teaching future All-Americans how to put on their socks, and they didn’t resent it. Think about the man you named in Q3. After you correct him, does he come back for more, or does he start keeping his distance? What is that telling you?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the correction question, from the giver’s side. We’ve talked about how we receive correction (June 12, Sept. 11). This one is about watching what your correction does to the man behind you.
• Listening for: “My son goes quiet for a day.” “He stopped asking me questions.” “He asks me to look over his work now.” “He laughs it off, then does it right.” “Honestly, I don’t correct him. I just do it myself.”
• Push deeper: “What does he get from you besides correction?” Wooden’s players got the socks lesson and a coach who knew them.
• Watch for the man who never corrects anyone. That isn’t kindness. It’s leaving him where you found him.

Answer: Wooden’s line has two halves. “Give correction” means he corrected constantly, right down to socks. “Without causing resentment” means his players kept coming back. You can tell which kind of correction you give by watching the man afterward: does he move toward you, or away from you? Q4.1/Sua Sponte Leader shows both coaches with the same missed layup. One “praises the guard for his I2 and manages the Failure.” The other yells, and the guard “will not put himself in position to Fail the next time.” Same mistake, two different players afterward. Paul sent the Corinthians a hard letter and then checked the fruit: “even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it… you felt a godly grief… For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you” (2 Corinthians 7:8–11, ESV). He also warned fathers, “do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, ESV). Correction that leaves a man discouraged hasn’t finished its job. Solomon gives the test: “reprove a wise man, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8, ESV). Concrete step: the next time you correct him, watch what he does over the next day. If he backs away, go to him and finish the job by telling him what he’s doing right.

Why This Matters: You don’t grade your correction by how true it was. You grade it by whether he comes back.

Q6 (LEADER FOLLOW-UP): When have you ducked a Q, a role, or someone who needed you? What was really behind it?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is one of the leader’s follow-up questions. It’s the honest-inventory question.
• Q goes first, and make it real. A Q slot you didn’t sign up for. A role at church you turned down. A kid on your team you didn’t make time for. A younger guy at work who asked to grab lunch, and you never set it up.
• Push past the first answer. The first answer is almost always “I was busy.” Ask: “What was really behind it?” The real answers: fear of failing in front of people, feeling unqualified, not wanting to be responsible for someone, not wanting to be seen.
• Don’t let it turn into a pile of guilt. End on what each man would do differently.

Answer: Ducking is one of the oldest moves in Scripture. When God called Moses at the burning bush, Moses ran through every excuse he had and finally just said it: “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else” (Exodus 4:13, ESV). God was angry, but He didn’t let Moses off the hook. He sent Aaron alongside him (4:14). Timothy seems to have struggled too, because Paul wrote him: “fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you… for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:6–7, ESV). Most ducks aren’t really about time. They’re about fear. Q4.1/Sua Sponte Leader says F3 began not from “a belief that we had the freedom to do so because no one could stop us, but rather upon an obligation to do so because no one would start us.” It was “an initiative born of duty, not of right.” In other words, nobody is going to hand you permission. You lead because it needs doing. The chapter also says Failure is “where a Leader becomes fully developed, because it is from Failure that he will learn the most.” The man who ducks so he won’t fail skips the phase that would have made him a leader. Concrete step: name the real reason in one word: fear, pride, comfort, or something else.

Why This Matters: Every time you duck a slot, you miss a chance to grow, and the men watching miss a chance to see it done. “I’m too busy” is often fear in disguise.

Q7: Lizard Building says the Virtuous Leader “celebrates” the younger leaders “nipping at his heels.” Be honest: when a man you pushed starts doing your thing better than you, do you celebrate it, compete with it, or quietly shut it down?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the ego question. It’s the hidden reason most men never train a replacement.
• Listening for: “When my son started beating me at basketball, I quit playing him.” “A guy I trained got promoted over me.” “When somebody else Qs a better beatdown, I critique it in my head.” “I love it. It’s the best feeling there is.” Both kinds of answers are honest.
• Use Redding’s evaluation as a callback, in two sentences. When the evaluators said his platoon worked better without him, he admitted to “a moment of panic.” Every leader has felt that.
• Push deeper: “What are you afraid you’ll lose if he passes you?”

Answer: Lizard Building describes men moving so fast their leader can barely stay ahead, and says he “sees this challenge as a feature of the Lizard rather than a bug. He celebrates the I2 [initiative] of the Sua Sponte Leaders nipping at his heels.” That’s harder than it sounds. When the evaluators said Redding’s men “seemed to function a little bit better without me hovering over them,” he admits he “had a moment of panic.” Training your replacement means someday watching him pass you. Scripture shows both responses. When the women sang that David had struck down his ten thousands, King Saul got jealous: “Saul eyed David from that day on” (1 Samuel 18:7–9, ESV), and envy ate the rest of his reign. When Joshua wanted Moses to stop two men from prophesying, Moses said, “Are you jealous for my sake? Would that all the LORD’s people were prophets” (Numbers 11:28–29, ESV). And watch Barnabas, from last week. (This is a different Saul: Saul of Tarsus, who became Paul.) Acts 13 starts with “Barnabas and Saul” (13:2, 7). By verse 13 it’s “Paul and his companions,” and after that it’s “Paul and Barnabas” (13:43, 46). The man who went and found Paul let Paul pass him, and there’s no record that he complained. John the Baptist said it when his disciples worried that everyone was going to Jesus: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30, ESV). A man who can’t stand being passed will never train anyone good enough to pass him. Concrete step: name one man who’s catching you, and tell him this week that he’s doing it well.

Why This Matters: King Saul wanted to stay on top. Barnabas wanted the right man in front, even if it wasn’t him. Only one of them built something that lasted.

Q8: What habits or unwritten rules, like “I’ll just do it myself” or “he’s not ready yet,” keep the man behind you from ever getting his turn?

Facilitator Notes:

• Optional story, if the room needs an example: Dave Redding, one of F3’s founders, worked out at a gym where Bob at the front desk greeted him by name every morning. The day Dave forgot his membership card, Bob wouldn’t let him through the turnstile: “Those are the rules.” Dave’s line: “With my pass I was Dave. Without it… just a sir.” Bob cared more about the rule than the man in front of him.
• Keep it personal. This is not a rant about the company’s rules (trap six). It’s about your own.
• Listening for: “Nobody else runs the sound board because they’ll mess it up.” “I tell new guys to post six months before they Q.” “My son can’t run the grill until he’s older,” and he’s seventeen. “I review every email my team sends.” “I always pick the route.”
• Push deeper: “Is that rule protecting the mission, or protecting you?”

Answer: Lizard Building says the denser an organization’s rulebook, the less effective it is, “because Effective Organizations are built through relationships, not rules, and rules drive out relationship.” A Bullfrog uses rules “as Sticks” (punishments), and “there is really no place in a Bullfrog for Sua Sponte Leaders,” the men who take initiative on their own. That happens one man at a time too. Most of us don’t have a rulebook. We have a turnstile: “I’ll just do it myself,” “he’s not ready,” “that’s how we’ve always done it.” Each one feels responsible. Together they mean the man behind you never gets a turn. Jesus’ disciples kept building turnstiles. When people brought children to Him, the disciples rebuked them, and “he was indignant” (Mark 10:13–14, ESV). When they saw a man casting out demons in Jesus’ name, John said, “we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” Notice us. Jesus answered, “Do not stop him” (Mark 9:38–39, ESV). F3 runs on five Core Principles for a reason: fewer rules, more men leading. Concrete step: name one turnstile you’re guarding, and open it this week for the man you named in Q3.

Why This Matters: Bob kept the rules and lost the relationship. Guard the mission, not the turnstile.

Q9: Tom Peters said, “Leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders.” Q4.1 says a HIM does three things to develop leaders: make clear the Mission, teach all he knows, and reward initiative even when it fails. Which of the three do you skip?

Facilitator Notes:

• Read the three slowly. Then go around: “Which one do you skip?”
• Listening for: “I never explain the why. I just tell them what to do.” (Mission.) “I do it myself because it’s faster.” (Teaching.) “When they mess up, I take it back.” (Incentive.) That third one is the most common answer.
• Use the point-guard story if the third one comes up: praise the right call, then practice the layup.
• Tie it to the close: skip any one of the three, and you get followers instead of leaders.

Answer: Q4.1/Sua Sponte Leader puts Tom Peters in QSource language: a Lizard is an “Organization OF Leaders rather than an Organization WITH Leaders.” The three steps are how you get there. Make clear the Mission: a man can’t take initiative if he doesn’t know where the team is going. Teach all you know: “To ask a man to Lead without providing an LDP is what F3 calls Bricks Without Straw.” In other words, don’t expect a man to lead if you never trained him. Incentivize I2 and manage Failure: reward the right call even when the shot misses, or he’ll never take the shot again. Paul gave Timothy all three. The mission: “what you have heard from me… entrust to faithful men” (2 Timothy 2:2, ESV). The teaching: “You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness” (2 Timothy 3:10, ESV). And he trusted Timothy with real responsibility: “I have no one like him… as a son with a father he has served with me in the gospel” (Philippians 2:20, 22, ESV). That’s the job description for every leader in the church: “to equip the saints for the work of ministry” (Ephesians 4:12, ESV). Leaders equip other people to do the work. They don’t do it all themselves. Concrete step: name the one you skip, and do it once this week with the man from Q3.

Why This Matters: If your men can only follow you, you’ve built a fan club. If they can lead without you, you’ve built a Lizard.

Q10: The QOW says Shield Lock brothers know each other well enough to “train, push, and hand off.” That doesn’t only run from older to younger. Who’s a man at your own stage of life who’s better than you at something you need? Have you asked him to train you, and what could you train him in?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the horizontal question. We’ve asked what a Shield Lock is and whether yours is a Team or a Club (June 5, July 31). This one asks what it trades.
• Listening for: “Mike’s way better with money than I am.” “He’s a better dad to teenagers.” “He knows how to apologize to his wife, and I don’t.” “I could teach him to run a meeting.” “He prays out loud like it’s normal.”
• Push deeper: “Why haven’t you asked him?” The usual answer is pride. Asking a peer feels harder than asking an older man.
• If a man doesn’t have a Shield Lock, note it and follow up at Coffeeter.

Answer: Q1.7/Shield Lock calls it “the Horizontal Relationship Between Men.” The man-pack “shares the bounty horizontally, in recognition of the value each Member brings.” In a Shield Lock, every man is somebody’s teacher and somebody’s student. Asking an older man for help is easy, because he’s supposed to know more. Asking a peer means admitting he’s better than you at something, and that costs pride. Scripture is full of peers pushing peers. Jonathan, the king’s son and David’s equal, “rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God” (1 Samuel 23:16, ESV). Priscilla and Aquila were tentmakers (Acts 18:3). When they heard Apollos, an eloquent and gifted preacher, “they took him and explained to him the way of God more accurately” (Acts 18:26, ESV). Even Paul expected to be strengthened by the people he wrote to: “that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine” (Romans 1:12, ESV). Both yours and mine. That’s a Shield Lock. Concrete step: name the peer and the skill. Ask him this week, and offer him something in return.

Why This Matters: A Shield Lock where nobody trains anybody is a Club with a better name. Trade what you’re good at for what you need.

Q11 (LEADER FOLLOW-UP): If you couldn’t name anyone for the second half of the QOW, what’s one step you could take this week to change that?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is one of the leader’s follow-up questions. It’s for the fans, and for any man who went quiet in Q3.
• Make it practical. Not “I should mentor someone.” One man, one invitation, one day.
• Listening for: “I’ll ask the FNG from last week to co-Q with me.” “I’ll take the new guy at work to lunch.” “I’ll teach my son to change the oil.” “I’ll ask Tyler to lead the warm-up when I Q.”
• Remind them of 2 Timothy 2:2: Paul said faithful men, not impressive men. Look for the guy who keeps showing up.

Answer: You don’t need a program. You need one man and one invitation. When Elijah called Elisha, he didn’t hand him a curriculum. He walked past him in a field and “cast his cloak upon him” (1 Kings 19:19, ESV). Elisha “arose and went after Elijah and assisted him” (19:21). That’s the watch stage of Q4.3/Apprenticeship: “First, the apprentice watches. Then he helps, and finally he does.” Jesus called men the same way: “Follow me.” Look for faithfulness, not polish. Paul chose Timothy because “he was well spoken of by the brothers” (Acts 16:2, ESV), not because of a résumé. Here are a few ways to start this week. Ask a younger PAX to co-Q with you. Hand him one piece of the beatdown and let him run it. Invite the newest man on your crew to watch how you handle a hard call. Teach your 2.0 one skill your father taught you. Text the FNG from last week and EH him to the next ruck. Paul’s word for the next generation was “faithful.” The man you’re looking for is probably the one who keeps showing up. Concrete step: name one man and one invitation, with a day attached.

Why This Matters: Every fan is one invitation away from being a link in the chain. Stop waiting until you’re ready. Elisha wasn’t ready when the cloak landed on him either.

Q12: In 2 Timothy 2:2, Paul doesn’t tell Timothy to find gifted men or impressive men. He says “faithful men.” Who’s a faithful man around you that you’ve overlooked because he isn’t flashy? And would anyone call you faithful enough to trust with something?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the “who do I pick” question, and it’s also a mirror.
• Listening for: “The guy who’s at every workout and never says much.” “The quiet man at church who sets up chairs.” “My middle kid.” “I keep picking the charismatic guys, and they keep leaving.”
• Push the second half: “Where have you been unfaithful in something small lately?” Not to shame anyone. The chain only holds with faithful links.
• For men who had no one push them: this is good news. Faithfulness, not pedigree, is the qualification.

Answer: Paul’s word is pistos: reliable, trustworthy. It’s the kind of man you can hand something to and find it still there when you come back. That’s exactly what “entrust” (paratithēmi, to deposit for safekeeping) calls for. Gifted men are easy to spot. Faithful men are easy to overlook, because faithfulness is quiet. It’s the PAX who posts in the rain, the man who does what he said he’d do, the guy who shows up early to set up. Jesus said, “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much” (Luke 16:10, ESV), and the master in His parable says, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much” (Matthew 25:21, ESV). Paul says “it is required of stewards that they be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2, ESV). That’s not “gifted” or “successful.” And Paul knew he wasn’t picked for his record: Christ “judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer” (1 Timothy 1:12–13, ESV). God’s grace makes faithful men out of unlikely ones, and then He uses them to find more. Concrete step: name the faithful man you’ve overlooked, and hand him one small thing this week. Faithful in a little comes first.

Why This Matters: Talent gets noticed. Faithfulness gets trusted. Look for the man who keeps showing up, and be that man.

Q13: 1 Thessalonians 5:14 names four different men who need four different pushes: “admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” Look at the man you named in Q3. Which one is he right now, and is the push you’ve been giving him the one he needs?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the diagnosis question for the second half of the QOW. Most men push everyone the same way: the way they were pushed.
• Listening for: “I’ve been kicking him, and he’s actually scared.” “I keep encouraging him, but honestly he’s just coasting.” “He doesn’t need a speech. He needs somebody to help him move.” “I’m impatient. He’s learning at a normal speed, and I’m treating it like failure.”
• Push deeper: “Which push do you default to, and who did you learn it from?”

Answer: Right after “build one another up” (5:11), Paul gets specific: “admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14, ESV). Four men, four pushes. The “idle” man (ataktos) is literally “out of rank,” a soldier who has broken formation, and he needs a warning. The fainthearted man needs courage. The weak man needs someone to hold on to him and help carry the load. And every one of them needs patience. The wrong push does damage: a kick crushes a fainthearted man, and comfort keeps an idle man idle. Most of us push everyone the way we were pushed. If your coach yelled, you yell. If your dad never said anything, you don’t either. “Build up” (oikodomeō) is a builder’s word, and a good builder knows different materials need different handling. Q4.3/Apprenticeship says the master moves “at the pace deemed appropriate by the master,” depending on “the apprentice’s hard-wired Leadership ability and his level of tolerance for the Pain.” The push has to fit the man. Concrete step: name which of the four he is, and the push you’ll give him this week.

Why This Matters: Pushing every man the same way is easy. Pushing a man the way he needs takes actually knowing him.

Q14: Paul wrote to Timothy, “You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:1–2, ESV). Notice the order: first Timothy is strengthened by God’s grace, and then he passes on what he learned to other men. And on the night Peter would deny Him, Jesus told him, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31–32, ESV). What does grace have to do with being able to push another man?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the deepest question. It moves from strategy to grace.
• Some men in the room feel disqualified because of a failure: a divorce, an addiction, a season they’re ashamed of. This question is for them. Don’t rush it.
• For men who aren’t Christians: “Who believed you could lead before you did? Where do you think that kind of belief comes from?”
• Read Luke 22:31–32 and John 21:15–17 together if you have time.

Answer: The order of 2 Timothy 2 matters. Paul doesn’t start with “entrust.” He starts with “be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:1, ESV). Strength comes in before it goes out. You can only hand off what you’ve received. Jesus showed this with Peter. On the night before the cross, He told him, “Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31–32, ESV). Jesus already knew Peter would deny Him, and He gave him the job anyway. After the resurrection, Jesus met Peter on the beach and three times gave him the work: “Feed my lambs… Tend my sheep… Feed my sheep” (John 21:15–17, ESV). Jesus handed the church to a man who had just failed Him. That’s what grace does. It doesn’t wait for us to be qualified. It qualifies us. And it keeps us humble, because “it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13, ESV). Q4.10/Lizard Building calls Jesus “the original Lizard Builder,” but He didn’t build with impressive men. He built with fishermen, a tax collector, and a man who denied Him three times. Concrete step: this morning, thank God for the men He used to push you. Then pray for the man you push by name.

Why This Matters: Jesus gave Peter the job right after Peter’s worst failure. Grace doesn’t disqualify you from the handoff. It’s what qualifies you.

Q15 (THE CLOSE + LEADER FOLLOW-UP): Train your replacement, not your fan club. Say both names one more time: the man who pushes you and the man you push. What would it take for you to say yes the next time a slot opens?

Facilitator Notes:

• This is the close. Every man answers, and nobody passes.
• Give 60 seconds of quiet first. Ask each man to picture both faces.
• Three parts, every man: the pusher (name, and one way he’ll thank him this week), the pushed (name, and one thing he’ll hand him this week), and the yes (the next slot, role, or ask he’ll say yes to).
• Ask the follow-up out loud: “What would it take to say yes the next time a slot opens?” Push for a specific answer: a Q date, a role, an invitation.
• Write it all down. Next Friday, open by asking each man, “Did you tell him? What did you hand off?”
• Read the commitments back before you pray.

Example answers — what a real answer sounds like:

• The fan: “Pushing me: Gator. He told me last month, ‘You’ve been posting a year. When are you going to Q?’ I don’t have anybody I push yet. So I’m taking the next open slot on the Q sheet, and I’m asking the FNG from last week to co-Q with me.”
• The lone wolf: “I push a lot of guys at work. Nobody pushes me. That’s the honest answer. My first move: I’m asking two guys from my Shield Lock to tell me one thing I’m not seeing. And I’m thanking my old platoon sergeant, Ray. He’s still alive, and I’ve never told him.”
• The dad: “Pushing me: my M, honestly, and Mike in my Shield Lock. The man I push is my son. This week I’m handing him something real: he’s planning and leading our family’s Saturday project, start to finish. I’ll watch and keep my mouth shut.”
• The Respect: “My first boss, Carl, pushed me. He used to say, ‘Don’t bring me a problem without a plan.’ I still hear it. I’m pushing a young guy at church, Tyler. What would it take to say yes? Nothing. I’ve been dodging the men’s ministry role for a year. I’m calling the pastor today.”
• The workplace leader: “Pushing me: a VP who keeps asking, ‘Who’s your replacement?’ The man I push is Alex on my team. My indispensable thing is the quarterly forecast. He’s building it with me this quarter, and next quarter he builds it alone.”

The test: a real answer includes two names and a handoff. Push back on these:

• “A lot of guys push me” → Which one? What did he say?
• “Nobody’s really better because of me” → Then who’s one step behind you? What’s your first invitation?
• “I’d say yes if I had more time” → What’s the real reason? Fear, pride, or comfort?
• “I’ll mentor someone eventually” → Who, and what day?
• “I push my guys hard” → Could they do it without you? Or do they just do what you say?

Answer: Paul told Timothy to hand it off to faithful men who would hand it off again (2 Timothy 2:2). Q4.10/Lizard Building says the Virtuous Leader develops his men “into Sua Sponte Leaders so that he himself is dispensable.” Tom Peters says leaders create more leaders. Maya Angelou says when you get, give. Ingersoll says we rise by lifting others. And Wooden says do it without breeding resentment. They all point to the same thing: train your replacement, not your fan club. A fan club makes you feel important. A replacement makes you dispensable, and in Redding’s evaluator’s words, “there is no higher form of leadership.” Thank the man who pushed you. Hand something real to the man behind you. And the next time a slot opens, say yes before fear can talk you out of it. Q4.10 ends this way: “The role of the Virtuous Leader is to love.” Pushing a man is one way to love him. Concrete step: say your two names, your handoff, and your next yes, out loud, right now.

Why This Matters: Somebody pushed you, and somebody is waiting for you to push him. Thank one. Hand off to the other. Say yes to the next slot. Report back next Friday.

“F3 is not a religious organization but we do ask that you believe in something higher than yourself. I am a Christian, so I will lead us out in a Christian reflection and prayer.”

Closing Prayer

Father, thank you for the men you’ve put in our path to push us. Strengthen us by your grace, and give us the courage to hand off what we’ve received to the men behind us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.